– Ex-wife! – Galya poked Vasya in the side.
– Future ex-wife. We’re not divorced yet! – he snapped.
– I don’t understand, what kind of partisan detachment is here? – the light suddenly turned on, and a wall in the form of Vasya’s wife, Lyudmila, appeared in front of the unexpected guests.
Vasily straightened up, stuck his chest out, and covered Galya slightly with himself. Slightly, because it would have been difficult to cover her completely: his big belly was showing, no matter how he hid it.
– Lyudmila, this is Galya, my girlfriend! We are expecting a baby. And she will live here until you move out, – the husband forced out, plucking up his courage.
– Who dropped you so badly in childhood that you went completely crazy? – Lyuda threw up her hands, stunned by such a statement. Not only did her husband get himself a mistress, he dragged her home to them, pregnant, and even kicked out the mistress of the house.
– Lucy, behave decently, don’t make a scene. We are civilized and progressive people after all, – Vasily put his fists on his hips and looked at his wife from under his brows.
– Who taught you such words, dear? – Lyuda’s eyes widened. After all, Vasily’s vocabulary was not very rich. Her husband’s most common words were “damn”, “fuck”, “like”.
– And you, madam, why are you silent? Your work? – Lyuda looked behind her husband’s back and nodded at Vasily.
“I’d like to lie down,” Galya shrugged, not bothering herself with unnecessary conversations. Her appearance showed that she had a man, the father of her future child, let him sort things out. But she couldn’t worry. And she was tired.
It was all written on her face, and Lyudmila realized that it would not be easy and simple. The bride’s parents gave Lyuda and Vasya the apartment as a wedding gift. It was a generous gift. Vasily was counting on half of it after the divorce. But the bride didn’t tell the groom that it was registered in her mother’s name.
– My bedroom! – Lyuda did not argue or make a scene at night.
The fact that he had a mistress had long been known to her, because Vasya was not distinguished by his intelligence and quick wits and whispered on the phone with his passion, thinking that his wife could not hear him. Then she found out that Madame was pregnant and also, thanks to Vasya’s stupidity – he left tabs open on the computer that they used together. And there – everything about the pregnancy.
At first, Lyudmila decided to cry when she learned about her husband’s adventures. Then she changed her mind. She had wanted to get a divorce for a long time, but there was no reason. When she married Vasya, she had no idea about his pathological stupidity. Previously, it seemed to her that he was simply naive and she even liked this trait of his. But then it began to irritate her. Vasya could not make an elementary decision – to come to pick up his wife at work by bus, tram or taxi. In the end, he reasoned for so long that Lyuda, without waiting for him, came home.
Lyuda also stopped sending her husband to the store when, having waited in vain, she went to look for him and found him in the dairy section, hovering over two packs of cottage cheese of varying fat content. His face was stamped with the flour of choice, and in the basket there was only a pack of salt. He looked like a robot whose program had malfunctioned.
Vasya worked as a mechanic at a large plant, and earned good money. His hands grew from where they should, but his intellect was a blunder. And there are such people, when you don’t understand it right away, and when you do, that’s it! It’s too late to kick: if a claw gets stuck, the whole bird is lost! And so it was with Lyuda. She got stuck in a marriage.
The friends sympathized with Lyuda, quietly laughing.
– Lyuda, you don’t even need to give birth – you already have a ready-made child. But then there are no sleepless nights, no diapers, no potties.
—————————————————————-
– Damn, girls, don’t press on a sore spot, – sighed Lyuda. – Actually, he’s not bad. Kind, handy.
Lyudmila herself worked as a newspaper editor. She started out as a journalist in the same editorial office, and by the age of thirty she had risen to the rank of editor.
And now, after several years of marriage, her husband’s pregnant mistress is sleeping in her house.
Lyuda wouldn’t give her bedroom to even all the pregnant women in the world. She arranged it with such love that she couldn’t allow anyone to bask in her royal bed.
At night, she was awakened by the creaking of the floor near her bed. Opening one eye, she saw Vasily sneaking up on her. © Stella Chiarri
“Stop!” she barked quietly but firmly at him. Her husband jumped in surprise.
– Ugh, you scared me, – he also whispered. – Listen, Lyus, don’t hurt Galya. God forbid she gives birth prematurely. And you haven’t moved out yet.
– Vasya, are you nuts? Where are you sending me? Actually, if it comes down to it, the apartment is divided in half. So live in one half. And now, go away. I have to get up early!
Vasya also tiptoed out of the bedroom. There was a scuffle behind the door, muffled thuds and Vasya’s frightened voice:
– Galunya, what are you talking about?! I came to talk! What marital duty?! She said: live in half of the apartment. Ouch! Galya! It hurts! Honestly, nothing happened.
Lyuda was simply amazed at her own patience…
In the morning, everyone was still asleep, but Lyuda was already on her feet. Not at all embarrassed, she walked around in her underwear, with a towel on her washed head. She put the kettle on the stove, went to dry her hair with a hairdryer, opening the bathroom door. The hairdryer hummed like a jet engine. A few minutes later, the kettle whistled. Lyuda was in no hurry to go to the kitchen.
– Will someone turn off this damn sound?! – Galin’s scream came from the other room. – Let me sleep!
– Is there something you don’t like? – Lyuda entered the room with the “young ones”. – The doors are always open. No one holds them.
– Why are you walking around here, and half naked? – Vasily stuck his head out from under the blanket. – This is our half!
– Well, here is my half of the closet with my things, – not paying attention to her lover’s angry look, Lyuda opened the closet. – Look, you can’t see anything!
She turned on the light, and Galya cried out:
– What are you doing?! You have no conscience!
Lyuda was even taken aback by such an impudent statement and could not find anything to say. With an indignant look, she left the room and turned off the kettle.
She spent the entire day at work trying not to think about the whole situation, but the thoughts kept spinning around in her head: “If I tell anyone, they won’t believe me. It’s the most absurd thing you can think of. They’ll also laugh at me for not throwing them both out.”
In the evening, returning home, Lyuda hoped that Vasya and Galya had enough sense to get out of the apartment, but when she saw the light in the windows, she realized that she was cruelly mistaken.
Galya was busy in the kitchen, Vasya was staring at the TV.
– Madam, what the hell? – Lyuda entered the kitchen and stood in the doorway like a supervisor. – You’ve been hanging around the house all day, why am I seeing you in the kitchen now? Unlike some people, I came home from work and want to have a quiet dinner without a hippopotamus darting around in front of my eyes.
– Watch your language! – Galya decided not to give in. – I’m a pregnant woman, and that’s sacred!
– Galya, you’re stupid, and this can’t be cured! Go away already, complain to Vasya, and I’ll eat in the meantime, – Lyuda sent the invader of someone else’s territory out of the kitchen.
She decided to experiment with smells. She planned to have fried mackerel for dinner. She herself was not very fond of such aromas, but in this situation it was one of the options to “smoke out” the lovebirds from the apartment.
Half an hour later, a disgusting fishy smell began to float around the apartment.
“I’ll be patient,” Lyuda grumbled under her breath.
And Galya, judging by the sounds, remembered what toxicosis was and couldn’t stand it.
– Lucy, did you do this on purpose? – Vasily burst into the kitchen, angry.
– On purpose, what? Came home for dinner? – Lyuda grinned.
– You’re cooking this disgusting stuff! – Vasya shouted, holding his nose. – Is it even possible to eat this? You can’t even breathe it!
– Vasenka, do you remember where the doors are? – Lyuda smiled sweetly. – No one is holding you back!
She decided to keep her trump card for the last resort and try to drive the couple out by any other means.
– You won’t get it! We live on our own half! – the husband muttered and disappeared into the room.
The sounds in the toilet died down, but not for long.
Oddly enough, with such a disgusting smell, the fish turned out to be quite tasty. Lyuda left the plate in the sink and looked into the neighbors’ room.
– Madam, since you are the only one not working here, then you should do the cleaning. There is a fish frying pan left, you should wash it well.
Galya swallowed and turned green.
“And it wouldn’t hurt to wash the floors,” Lyuda continued, “otherwise soon we’ll be able to plant potatoes, especially in the hallway. It was much cleaner here without you.”
“I’ll take…” Galya tried to get in a word, but Lyuda interrupted her.
– Pregnant, I remember. But not disabled. You have arms, you can move them. Or do you only move one part of your body well? – She frowned.
– Vasya, tell her! – Galya held on with all her might so as not to fall into the toilet.
“Lyudmila, leave Galya alone,” Vasya reluctantly stood up for his pregnant friend.
– Oh, no way! – Lyuda gave him the finger. – I’ve been cleaning and washing here for two years, now it’s her turn! And it’s not my fault that she’s pregnant. Oh, by the way, tomorrow I’m having baked chicken butts with garlic for dinner. Who else should I cook for?
Here Galya couldn’t stand it any longer and, unexpectedly briskly for a pregnant woman, she jumped up and disappeared into the toilet.
“It seems to me that you are making fun of Galya,” Vasya frowned.
“You think so,” Luda chuckled and left the room, but returned again. “I filed for divorce. So, soon you will be free… not for long.”
Saturday morning began as usual: a hair dryer, a kettle whistling, Lyuda singing along, Galya screaming. Lyudmila was again walking around the apartment in her underwear.
Galya couldn’t stand the whistle and hobbled into the kitchen. Lyuda followed her.
– Have you completely lost your nerve? – Galya stared at her lover’s half-dressed wife. – Why are you flashing your legs here?
– Who should I be embarrassed in front of? I’m at home and I’ve always walked around like this. Vasya has seen me without these rags, – Lyuda grinned, pouring coffee into her cup. – And I’m not going to change my habits. And I’m still Vasya’s wife. Legal. So I can even demand that my marital duty be fulfilled.
At these words, Vasily looked into the kitchen and, seeing Lyuda in a negligee, swallowed. Of course – the contrast between the slender wife and the plump mistress was striking. Seeing this, Galya blushed, looked angrily at the future father of her child, slapped him and flew out of the kitchen as if scalded.
– Galya, why? – Vasya grabbed his burning cheek and trudged after the pregnant woman. There was a noise in the room, then crying, and half an hour later Galya came out dressed with wet eyes and Vasily followed her with a bag in his hand.
“I’ll apply for the exchange myself,” Vasya said sullenly to his wife, who was surprised by his sudden decision to move out.
– Vasya, my dear husband, don’t bother yourself. This apartment is not for sale. It’s my mother’s! – Lyuda spread her hands and shrugged her shoulders at the same time. – I didn’t tell you right away, forgive me.
– Vasya! Such a bastard! Where are we going to live now? – Galya attacked her stunned lover with her fists. – Half mine, half mine! Chatterbox!
She ran out of the apartment as fast as she could, cursing Vasily with all the words she could think of. He went to catch up with her, either calming her down or convincing her. But Lyudmila didn’t hear him anymore. She returned to the kitchen, poured boiling water into a cup of coffee and, smiling, began to scroll through the news on social networks.
In a month…
– Vasya?! Why are you sitting by the door? – Lyuda couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw her husband in the entryway. He was sitting on the step, and next to him lay a torn supermarket bag stuffed with things. Apparently, in a hurry, he had packed himself a bundle for the road.
– Can I stay with you? Galya got it…
– What do you mean you’ll live?!
– Well… Until she gives birth.
– And when she gives birth, will you go back to her?! It will be even worse… You know, Vasya, children are small, they scream and interfere more than a pregnant woman.
– How long does it take for a child to become normal? – Vasya asked naively. Lyuda was even surprised: how did she live with him? He’s as stupid as a cork…
– In about 18 years.
– Well… – Vasya realized that his idea to bring Galya home was bad. He had to somehow solve the problems on the side and not quarrel with his wife.
– Go, Vasya. I won’t take you back.
– Why?
– Because it’s late already. Your place is taken.
At that moment, Lyuda’s phone came to life.
– Hello? Slavik, I’m on my way… Someone let a homeless guy into the entrance, I had to stay to kick him out. No, I don’t need help. He’s already leaving. Yes! I’m running, I’m running… – she said into the phone and left with her head held high.
