“It’s your own fault”
When Senya was packing his suitcase, it was rattling in the apartment so loudly that even the neighbor behind the wall could hear it. He threw his jacket on the floor, then demonstratively picked it up, slammed the closet door, and jerked the suitcase handle so hard that the wheels almost fell off.
“At least react somehow,” he couldn’t resist, watching Vera wash the stove. He came to the kitchen specifically so that his wife could see him packing his things.
“Did you want something?” she answered calmly, without turning around.
He was waiting for hysterics. For her to cry, beg him to stay, cling to him with phrases like “I need you.” That’s what normal abandoned wives do. But this one seemed to be waiting for him to leave as soon as possible.
– You know, it’s your own fault. – He walked around her, stood so that she would look at him. – You became cold. Always tired, no femininity. Everything about the house, about the children, about your mother. And I – I just suffocated from this routine.
“Then go away if it’s stuffy,” Vera said briefly and removed the rag.
Senya didn’t like this reaction. Not tears, not reproaches, but calm. He had been living with a new woman, Katya, for two weeks already, and he imagined Vera wandering around the house, sad, broken. But she didn’t. As if she didn’t care.
– And you just let me go like that? – He was already shouting. – I lived with you for twelve years! We have two children!
“They’ll stay with me,” Vera said, taking off her rubber gloves and throwing them in the trash, as if she were throwing away everything that had been there for the last twelve years along with them. “And you go. It’s probably easier for you with Katya.”
Senya suddenly wanted to grab a plate, smash the dishes on the floor, but was afraid to look pathetic. Instead, he grabbed the suitcase, which he forgot to close, and, loudly cursing that his things were spilling out of the suitcase, he left. He ran out of the apartment, slamming the door. Classic.
On the landing, Senya felt anger spreading through his body. He left with a scandal, with the desire to humiliate her, the woman who had become boring, had aged and was no longer the same as before. He hoped for hysteria, so that he could later tell his friends how his ex had cried and clung to his pants, because “where would she go without him and two children?”
But instead he received a calm, “go.”
It was too easy. And somehow offensive. Senya thought and decided that his wife had not yet realized that she would regret his departure.
He came up with a new goal for himself – to show his wife what she had lost, to complicate her life so that she would understand…
The easiest way to do this was through children. Little Nika and teenager Vanya both gravitated towards their father, although after their parents’ divorce they stayed with their mother.
“I wouldn’t want your children to interfere with our lives,” Katya said when Senya hinted that he would see the children. By that time he had already come up with a plan.
– They won’t interfere. They’re just so stupid… They want to see dad. I can’t refuse.
– Of course you can! Just pay alimony.
– Don’t worry. I’ll meet them when you’re not looking.
Katya pursed her lips and left. Although she understood that she had taken a man with a trailer away from his family, she had counted on this “trailer” staying with Vera, and she would get the trophy in the form of Senya. His care, love and salary as a chief engineer.
A month passed. Vera didn’t call, didn’t complain. Didn’t demand any help from him, although he knew that she needed it. He learned from his son that Vera didn’t cry at all, wasn’t going to commit suicide, and was living quite well. Without him. As if wanting to humiliate her ex-husband: look how well I’m coping without you. And you don’t have to worry about the children, I can handle everything myself.
It was necessary to restore justice urgently, before mutual friends concluded that Senya was such a lousy husband that without him Vera blossomed and began a new page in her life. No, this could not be allowed.
Senya thought of everything. The children helped: at one of the rare meetings, the son complained:
– Mom has really tightened the screws. She told me to give her the tablet for a week!
– And she scolded me when I bought three chocolate bars and a sweet soda! – Nika chimed in.
– Mom doesn’t love us at all.
“But I love you,” Senya opened his arms and listened to the children’s complaints, and then took them to the store. They bought all sorts of gum, lemonade, sweets and unhealthy food.
– What if mom sees?
– And you hide all this properly and eat it when she doesn’t see, – Senya knew that naive Nika wouldn’t be cunning enough to hide the “gifts” and his wife would find out about the forbidden purchases. And that’s what happened.
When Nika pulled melted chocolates out from under her pillow, smearing her underwear and hands, Vera literally pounced on her.
– Where from? I asked, where did you get it? – she screamed, realizing that she had just laid out new, ironed linen for the child. That all her efforts had gone down the drain. And she was so tired that evening that she could lie down on the floor and die.
“Dad bought it,” the frightened daughter told everything.
— Give it. Everything. To me. Immediately!
– But, mom!
– Fast!
“It’s true, dad loves us, but you don’t!” Vanya stood up for himself.
– One more word and two weeks without a tablet! – Vera said through gritted teeth.
Of course, Senya found out about the situation. He was delighted and decided to continue in the same spirit, to become a “good dad” in order to seem like a savior against the backdrop of Vera’s prohibitions.
“Of course, you can have ice cream,” he said, buying his kids popsicles on the street in March. “Mom always forbids everything, right?”
“Yeah,” the children nodded. “She’s a bore: ‘put on your hat, button up your jacket’…”
“It’s already warm. We can go without a hat,” the father “generously” allowed.
“Can I also go without a hat, just like Vanya?!” Nika rejoiced.
– Yes, you can! – Senya waved his hand. It was plus 5… and a strong wind.
He allowed everything: playing on the tablet until night, eating chips, not doing homework.
Katya, although she did not want to poke her nose into the relationship between fathers and children, witnessed several meetings. Even she, an outsider, was surprised by the permissiveness.
“What, do you have a foreign method of upbringing? Children should be supervised…” she said.
– Don’t interfere. These are my children, I know what I’m doing.
Katya raised her eyebrows and nodded.
– Ok. But I’m not taking part in this. I don’t want them to come to our house anymore. Got it?
– Yeah…
Vera, meanwhile, was busy with her concerns: her bedridden mother required increased attention after the operation. For a while, Vera did not even put pressure on the children; they went to school without a hat – it was their business.
Perhaps that is why she did not immediately understand the reason for the sudden and serious illness of the children. First Nika fell ill with tonsillitis, then Vanya.
“I don’t want to rinse my throat with this bitter spray!” Nika was capricious. “Give me something else.”
“I can give you a flick or a belt!” Vera got angry. She was worried about the children, but even with a high temperature, they were stronger than her morally.
– Mom, give me the tablet! I’m bored! – Vanya whined.
– You can’t do it if you have a fever. The doctor forbade it!
– Yes, you can! Dad would give it!
– Dad allows everything!
Vera did not continue the conversation. She left the room to get a thermometer.
In the hallway, Vera heard her daughter quietly say to Vanya:
– Mom has become a real nasty woman. It’s because dad abandoned her.
– Yeah. Dad is so happy, that’s why he loves us. He’s better off without mom. With this Katya.
— I wish she were our mother.
– Well… no. It’s better to just live with dad. The three of us. Dad is good.
— He lets me eat ice cream, even if my throat hurts. Dad and I ate a whole bucket in the park! But Mom would never let me. Mom doesn’t let me do anything! Dad’s place is better. I’d live better with him too…
Vera’s heart skipped a beat. She sat down on a chair and closed her eyes. She suddenly felt unbearable pain.
In the morning, Vera got up at six, did all the hygiene procedures with her mother and fed her breakfast, then got the children ready for school and went to work. At lunchtime, she called the nurse, checked on her, in the evening, everything in a circle: caring for her mother, lessons with the children, at night – laundry and cooking. And so on day after day.
And now these words: “they would have lived better with dad.”
Vera stood up. She went into the room. She touched Nika’s forehead with her palm. The fever had gone down after the syrup.
“Okay,” she said suddenly. “If you want to go to dad, you’ll go to dad.”
– Really?! – Nika jumped up.
– With a temperature? – Vanya was surprised.
“I don’t care,” Vera answered calmly. “I’m a bad mother, I forbid everything. Dad allows everything. Well, you’ll live by his rules. Now I’ll allow everything. And to begin with, I allow you to rid yourself of my presence.”
She threw their clothes on the bed, ordered a taxi and told the driver to take them to the right address.
“You’re going to see dad,” she said to the children at the threshold. “Tell him, Vanya, that he’s in charge now. He allows everything, let him treat it himself.”
Nika wanted to cry, Vanya was confused, but Vera did not flinch. She simply closed the door.
And then… I lay down. I took a sedative and fell asleep for the first time in a long time – in silence.
“But dad didn’t wait”
– Senya, there… the children are coming to you. Right now, – said Katya, when Senya put the wine in the refrigerator and lit the candles.
“What children?” he didn’t immediately understand.
– Yours, what other? You didn’t hear the call, I answered. They said – a taxi is on its way, your mother sent them to you. What nonsense? Why didn’t you agree with me?! We have a romantic evening today! And not snotty teenagers!
He froze, bottle in hand. The doorbell rang 10 minutes later. Vanya and Nika stood on the threshold, wrapped in scarves. Nika was sniffling, Vanya’s cheeks were burning with heat.
“Mom said you’re in charge now…” Vanya squeezed out, trying to look grown-up out of habit. “We got sick, but she let us come to you. Now we’re living with you. Great, huh?”
“You’re a total nightmare!” Senya muttered and turned to Katya.
Katya was angry:
– Are you serious? Sick children instead of a date? Will this always be like this for us now?
– Well… I didn’t know myself! Vera is not herself, she decided to do something nasty! She’s just making fun of me! – he began to justify himself.
– No, Senya. It seems you’re not yourself. You’ve turned your children into puppets. I’m leaving.
“Katya, wait…” he rushed after her.
– Bye, Senya. I’ll be back when there are no children here.
The door slammed, leaving him and two sick teenagers in the middle of a romantic setting: candles, wine… jazz from the speakers.
“Dad… I feel bad,” Nika moaned.
Senya stood there, not knowing what to do. He didn’t have his own first aid kit – Katya had something for her headache, but Katya had left. There wasn’t even a thermometer in the house. And to be honest, Senya didn’t know how to treat children.
He went to look for something in the closet. Vanya started coughing.
“Where is your water?” he said breathlessly.
Senya looked at him with fear. He started calling an ambulance. He brought water, tried to call Vera – she didn’t pick up the phone.
“Maybe we should go to grandma’s?” Nika suggested quietly, feeling that things were bad and the ambulance wasn’t coming. “To daddy’s mom. She’ll definitely help.”
Senya opened his mouth to object. But he closed it. He couldn’t cope on his own. His mother, Nastasya Gavrilovna, didn’t approve of his new love and didn’t want to communicate with her son. But now there was force majeure.
When Nastasya Gavrilovna saw the children, she began to swear:
– You brought sick children to me? Senya, go away?
– Mom, well, they… It’s Vera’s fault. She sent them!
– And you – dragged them across the whole city to me? Couldn’t you call, buy medicine? Are you completely out of your mind? These are children, not toys!
– Mom, that’s enough.
– No, Senya. Now you listen. I’ll tell you straight: if you were a stranger, I’d call the guardianship authorities. They’re snotty, hot, wrapped in some kind of incomprehensible clothes, like homeless people! And you… you’d also drag your woman to me on top of that!
“Katya left,” he muttered.
– Well, thank God. Let her go. She won’t sit with your children. And I don’t have to. But I will. Because you are a disgrace to the male gender. A man who can’t protect his own children and throws them around like manure!
Senya was silent. He felt ashamed. He sat in the kitchen like a schoolboy while his mother gave Nika warm milk with honey and rubbed Vanya down with alcohol.
When the children got better, the grandmother found out what had happened and had a conversation with her grandchildren.
The next day Vera opened the door and saw her children on the threshold. Clean, in fresh clothes, with the sweetest smiles on their faces. Nastasya Gavrilovna was standing next to them. Although she did not cure them, she did have a conversation and explained that dad was not such a hero… That they should listen to mom and take medicine.
– Vera, take the children. They want to go home. I brought them. – Nastasya Gavrilovna said.
“Come in,” Vera retreated.
Nika rushed to her and sobbed:
– Mom, I’m sorry. We won’t say that Dad is better than you anymore. You are the kindest.
Vanya came closer and quietly added:
– Sorry, Mom. You were always right. We all understood. Only you need…
Vera stroked both of them on the head. And then hugged them.
“Thank you, Nastasya Gavrilovna,” she said quietly.
– Forgive my son, – the mother-in-law said shortly. – He hasn’t gained any brains even at forty. For now he’ll be as soft as silk. I had a talk with him. And if he starts acting up again, I’ll transfer everything to you. The apartment, the dacha – everything. So that he has no reason to open his mouth.
Senya called. Wrote. Wanted to come, talk, apologize. Asked how the kids were.
“Everything is fine. With your prayers,” Vera said and finally exhaled calmly. Two weeks later, in the morning, while seeing the children off to school, she told them:
— Put on your hats. It’s cold today.
“Of course, Mom,” the son and daughter answered in unison.
They took their hats and went. Without arguing, without snorting and conditions. They didn’t want to get sick again.
“Return”
After two years, Senya finally realized that Katya was a temporary option. That it was time to “make friends” with the children again. Vanya was growing up, he needed a father, a role model… But Vanya no longer saw that same example in his father.
Senya also thought that he and Vera could still mend their relationship. He could return to his family. But when he tried, he realized: their family had become different. Without him. There was no place for him in their new life. He had lost them.
He suddenly realized with regret that this was exactly what he had been trying to achieve all this time. And now he had achieved it. The dream had come true.
