There was silence, but something ominous lurked behind it.
– How much longer can this go on, anyway? – Lisa threw the towel on the table. – I came home from work an hour ago, I didn’t even have time to change!
– What are you starting again? – Andrey was standing in the doorway, blocking the passage. – Mother just came in for five minutes.
– For five minutes? Seriously? – Lisa pointed at the pile of dirty dishes. – And the other ten people were just passing by too? Like, all at once?
Loud laughter came from the room. Someone turned the TV on full blast.
– What are you doing, like you’re not related? – Andrey winced. – We’re sitting here just fine, having fun.
– You’re having fun, you’re listening to stories and laughing. And I’m cutting my third bowl of Olivier salad! – Liza waved her hand towards the mountain of potatoes. – And this is at nine in the evening. I have a presentation tomorrow, by the way.
– Again with your presentation. Just some pictures…
– Pictures? – Lisa flushed with indignation. – This is a million dollar project! Which I…
– Lizochka! – the honeyed voice of the mother-in-law rang out. – Why are you making the salad so slowly? People are waiting.
Galina Petrovna appeared on the threshold of the kitchen, adjusting her lacquered, forever-for-ever bouffant hairdo.
– Could you at least warn me when you plan to come? – Lisa tried to speak calmly.
– My God, what’s there to warn about? – the mother-in-law stuck her hand into a bowl of sliced cucumbers and grabbed a piece. – The family came in for tea. In our time…
“There were no smartphones in your time,” Lisa muttered.
– What, what? – Galina Petrovna narrowed her eyes.
“I’m telling you, the slicing is ready,” Lisa demonstratively took the knife and began to chop the sausage.
– Andryusha, – the mother-in-law turned to her son. – Your wife has completely gotten out of hand. No hospitality, no respect for elders…
“Mom, come on,” Andrey shifted from foot to foot. “She’s just tired.”
“She’s tired!” Galina Petrovna snorted. “When I was her age, I was raising four children, working, cooking, washing. And nothing, I never complained.”
Another burst of laughter came from the room. Someone shouted: “Andryukha, come here, Vitek is telling such a funny story!”
“Oh, I’ll go listen,” Andrey rejoiced and quickly retreated.
“It’s always like that,” Lisa said through gritted teeth, watching him go. “When you’re supposed to be responsible for something, you run away straight away.”
– Don’t you dare talk about your husband like that! – the mother-in-law snapped. – You should be grateful that he married you. With your character…
Lisa stopped listening. She looked at the knife in her hand, at the cutting board, at the jar of mayonnaise… And suddenly she remembered the box of drops she had bought at the drugstore that morning…
– You know what, Galina Petrovna? - she said slowly. – You’re right. I’ll get everything ready now. I’ll make such a dinner – you’ll remember it forever.
– Well, finally! – the mother-in-law rejoiced. – It should have happened a long time ago. I’ll also call Zinaida Vasilyevna, let her come over too. She lives not far from here.
– Do you remember, Gal, how last time your daughter-in-law oversalted the pilaf? – Aunt Valya’s voice came from the room. – Then we drank water all night!
“Yes, indeed,” the mother-in-law chimed in, peeking out from the kitchen. “Lizochka cooks in her own way.”
Lisa silently stirred the salad, counting to ten in her head. The doorbell rang again.
– It’s probably Zinochka! – Galina Petrovna perked up. – Andryusha, open up!
“I’m busy!” he shouted from the room. “Liz, open up, will you?”
“My hands are in the salad,” Lisa said through gritted teeth.
– Oh, what kind of wife are you? – the mother-in-law lamented, walking towards the door. – Can’t you help your husband?
Not only Baba Zina stood on the threshold, but also Andreeva’s sister Marina with her husband and children.
“We were just passing by,” Marina smiled, pushing two screaming boys into the apartment. “I thought, let me drop in on my brother.”
“You all walked past,” Lisa muttered under her breath, taking out a new pack of mayonnaise. At half past nine in the evening.
“What are you mumbling about?” her mother-in-law immediately turned to her.
“I’m telling you, come to the table,” Lisa answered loudly. “Everything will be ready in a moment.”
She took the treasured box out of her bag. The instructions said that the effect would take effect within an hour and it was better not to go far from home or the restroom during this time… Lisa smiled and poured a third of the bottle into the salad.
– Lizka, will there be something hot? – the husband looked into the kitchen. – Marinka’s boys are hungry.
“There will be,” she nodded. “There will be everything. Cutlets, mashed potatoes, gravy… it turned out special today.”
– This is my wife! – Andrey rejoiced. – You’ve stopped cooking lately.
“You’re still working,” my mother-in-law chimed in from the hallway. “You have no time for home.”
– But today I’m really going to try my best, – Lisa methodically mixed the salad. – I’ll cook such a dinner – you’ll remember it for the rest of your life.
At that moment the doorbell rang again.
– Oh, that’s probably Vitka and Lenka! – Andrey shouted. – I told them to come in too.
Lisa froze with a spoon in her hand.
— Did you invite anyone else?
– Well, what’s the big deal? – He shrugged. – Since everyone’s gathered. By the way, Vitka said he’d bring his mother-in-law, she’s visiting them.
Lisa looked at the almost empty box, then at the salad, and estimated the number of guests…
“You know,” she said, taking another package out of her bag, “I think I’ll make some special gravy, too. So there’ll be enough for everyone.”
– That’s right! – came from the room. – Otherwise, what kind of dinner is it without gravy?
“We can’t do without gravy,” agreed Lisa, methodically measuring out drops into the sauce. “The main thing is that everyone eats their fill.”
– Well, everyone to the table! – Galina Petrovna announced solemnly. – Look how hard Lizochka tried.
The family buzzed, sitting down around the extended table. Marinka’s boys immediately went for the salad.
“Maybe something hot first?” Lisa suggested with feigned concern. “The salad needs to sit for a bit.”
“You always make things complicated,” the mother-in-law waved her off. “Let the children eat.”
– Yes, yes, – Aunt Valya chimed in, filling her plate. – What kind of whims are these? We used to get by without any insistence.
“It’s okay,” Lisa smiled. “But now it will be special.”
– Liz, why aren’t you eating yourself? – asked Andrey with his mouth full.
“I ate at work,” she stood, leaning against the door frame. “And I cooked a lot, I’m already full from the smells alone.”
– Look at that, – snorted Marinka. – Now he doesn’t even want to eat with his family. All that work, these creative ideas of yours…
– By the way, about work, – Vitka butted in. – Do you really get paid there for drawing pictures? People have nothing better to do…
Lisa watched silently as everyone ladled out more. The plates emptied at an alarming rate.
– Oh, delicious! – mumbled Baba Zina. – I finally learned how to cook, otherwise there were always some fashionable salads.
– Yeah, – Lenka, Vitka’s wife, chimed in. – And remember, last time, that “Caesar” of hers with croutons? I suffered from heartburn the whole evening.
“It’s okay,” Lisa said quietly. “There won’t be any heartburn today. There will be completely different sensations.”
“What, what?” the mother-in-law asked again.
— I say, maybe we should turn on some music to create the atmosphere?
– Let’s do it! – Andrey perked up. – Right now, I’ll bring the speaker.
He left the table, but stopped at the door:
– Liz, you seem a bit strange today.
“Normal,” she shrugged. “I’m just watching you eat your fill. I’d even say you eat your fill for future use.”
– Oh, come on, – he patted her on the shoulder. – See, everyone likes it. Even mom praises it.
“The main thing is that everyone likes it,” Lisa nodded. “By the way, I also heated up some gravy there. I tried especially for your mother, I made it with love. Let her definitely try it.”
She looked at her watch. According to her calculations, the first “special effects” should begin in about half an hour. Just when everyone would have eaten their fill and relaxed.
– Lizochka, – came the mother-in-law’s voice. – Will there be tea?
“It will be,” Lisa nodded, taking her bag out of the hallway. “But right now I need to leave urgently. They called me to work, force majeure.”
– How can I leave? – Andrey was indignant. – In the middle of a family dinner? Have you seen the time?
– What’s wrong? – She smiled sincerely for the first time that evening. – You came without warning, and I’m leaving without warning. It’s all family.
“That’s what modern youth is like,” Galina Petrovna waved her hand. “No respect for family values!”
And after half an hour there was no time for respect…
“Andryusha, I don’t feel well,” Galina Petrovna muttered, clutching her stomach.
“Something’s making me nervous too,” Vitka winced, fidgeting in his chair.
“Maybe it’s a salad?” Aunt Valya suggested anxiously, but before she could finish she jumped up and ran towards the toilet.
– Hey, where to? – Marinka rushed after him. – I’m first!
– What first? – Lenka was indignant, trying to overtake them. – I have here generally…
Five minutes later, there was a real crush in the corridor. The line to the restroom stretched all the way to the kitchen.
“Mom, I feel bad!” whined Marinka’s children.
“Be patient!” she snapped, shifting from foot to foot. “Grandma Galya, how long are you going to stay there?”
“I just came in!” came a voice from behind the door, mixed with sounds similar to machine gun fire.
“What a disgrace,” moaned Baba Zina, leaning against the wall. “In our time there was nothing like this…”
– Andrey! – Galina Petrovna shouted from the restroom. – Call your wife immediately! This is all her cooking!
Andrey grabbed the phone, but Lisa didn’t pick up. Only a message came: “I hope dinner was a success. By the way, the neighbors also have a toilet. And Vitka’s apartment is in the neighboring building. Run, my dears, run. You might even make it in time.”
“Did she do it on purpose?” Aunt Valya gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.
– Mom, come out! – Marinka groaned. – There’s already a line down the entire corridor!
– I can’t! – Galina Petrovna howled. – What did that scoundrel mix in?
At that moment the doorbell rang. The neighbor from upstairs stood on the threshold:
– Are you okay? My chandelier is shaking…
“I can’t take it anymore, the valve might break,” came from the line. “Maybe an ambulance?”
– What ambulance?! – Andrey flared up. – So that everyone would know?
“What, is it better to embarrass yourself in front of the neighbors?” snapped Marinka, trying to push Vitka away from the treasured door.
Andrey’s phone beeped again. A message from Lisa: “Almost forgot – the divorce petition is on the kitchen table. Right next to that gravy your mother was praising so much.”
“What do you mean divorce?!” Galina Petrovna squealed, finally clearing the toilet. “Andryusha, she has no right!”
“We’ll sort it out later!” Vitek barked, flying into the vacated room first. “Right now there are more important problems!”
Marinka’s children began to whine in unison. Lenka started calling her neighbors. Baba Zina began to whine about modern youth. And the phone continued to beep with new messages:
“And don’t worry about my things – I took them while you were enjoying dinner. Happy digestion!”
“PS I especially liked how you, Andrey, praised my ‘pictures’. Now these ‘pictures’ will bring income only to me. And yes, that million-dollar project – I successfully completed it yesterday. So I won’t be left without work.”
“PPS But it looks like you’ll have to urgently find a new cook for your precious family. Just keep in mind – you’ll have to cook yourself, you won’t have money for a restaurant now. I took everything off my card – you don’t mind, do you? We’re a family!”
The line to the toilet continued to grow. Somewhere in the distance, Marinka’s heart-rending scream was heard: “The neighbors won’t open!!!”
Meanwhile, Lisa was sitting in a cozy cafe on the other side of town, sipping cappuccino and feeling absolutely happy for the first time in three years.
